Blurr

Ok.. the letter came today and asked for the fees for diz and dat.. sucks. i hate my uni ok… so stress, so boring, no goals at all and i’m pleased to remind u guys that i’m a final year student. u might be asking what the heck am i doing at the moment? Preparing for my final exam? eh black tits.. stop those crap, no book except mangga hahahah!!! totally blank in my mind, so sad,feeling so vexed, im sill slow-witted as b4, im always so absent-minded as im thinking alot of unwanted things that make myself worry for nothing but actuali im reali so depressed for it…my classmates seem so expert in everything and some of them even completed 3 folios already. me? working in ICP and type and type and type according to the rythm…lifes in KL sucks and maju junction’s really the place dat i hate the most… back to uni?? no no no.. a pile of homeworks will b wash over me us very very soon.. eh for those who’re willing to take over my folio and complete it within 2 months from now. RM 100 bucks u guys, khalil, read diz, pass the msg on and tell them all.. it’s RM 100 bucks, erm.. hehe dat’s enuff huh!!

whatever it is…i hope..everything is juz a hallucination. Does not exist in my life.. but yet.. this is still a fact.. it is still there n nothing can change it, no matter how i avoid or no matter how i do… how i wish my existen in this world could be a genius, so that i can handle my life ezili and only so i dun haf to b so sad for something n nothing, so undecisive for everything, no confidence at all, dun haf any annoying to think, dun haf any strenuous work, trivialities of everyday…blar blar blar…

seem like i never satisfy anything b4 hor?… seem like i always haf everlasting trouble tumbled in my head right… no lah.. it’s all about money, .. my mum banked in money for me today and yet she was mumbling during my ‘money conversation’ and warned me like i was really founded guilty thruout these days!!! and erh.. i’d touched and feeling bad like i was so useless from the moment i came to KL …seem like i never listened to anybody’s advise…seem like i get over it n after some time, i began to b the pessimism again… today i m thinking..as children u were able to express your emotions freely, you had no problems showing your joy,anger,dissappointment,jealousy or any other emotion u experiences. as u grow older, you find it more difficult expressing ur emotion.u try to suppress them,deny them,brush them off or consider it a sign of weakness.how do u, deal with ur emotions? eh emotional la dudez… hahaha but plz lah, i’m feeling bad now ok..but sorry.. no advice to be appreciated. coz i know ppl will give me the same old advise… so i know i should accpet it. but then.. sometimes, i just cant accept it… sorry for being so stubborn. i choose this path, n i deserve it. so what.. i’m taufiq ok.. no bullshit stuff needed!

hope Allah blessed me la ok.. i m praying alot lately. coz i trust Him the most.. i hope everything go smooth…n i really hope i can stand out confidently and proudly… i hope i can win His heart eventhough i never try…i hope everything is ok for me..so help me!

god bless.

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~ by Taufiq Lazyduck on September 11, 2003.

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